Back to School: Leading with Kindness, Recognizing Bullying, and Knowing How to Help
- 4 hours ago
- 4 min read
Kindness is contagious. It raises self-esteem, optimism, energy, and happiness, and it lowers pain, stress, anxiety, and depression. It's also teachable: practicing kindness makes people more compassionate and more inclined to help others, which benefits everyone involved.
Kindness is modeled. As caregivers, we model kindness through the way we speak about ourselves and others in front of our children. Showing extra appreciation to a cashier, volunteering with our kids on a weekend, or simply greeting someone instead of jumping straight to business, these small gestures teach children to show up for others. It also means speaking positively about ourselves, staying optimistic about our circumstances, and giving ourselves another chance when things don't go as planned.
Kindness spreads. When we lead with kindness toward ourselves, that compassion spreads to the people around us. And when we choose kindness without expecting anything in return, research shows we become happier ourselves.
Kindness is a choice. We can't control how others behave, but we can choose how we respond. Standing up for ourselves and others from a place of kindness and compassion sends ripples of positivity into our environment.
Recognizing Bullying
As families prepare to head back to school, the to-do list is familiar: laptop, pens, notebooks, backpack, lunchbox, highlighters, maybe a new outfit or two. But for some families, the list includes something heavier: preparing to help a child who's dealing with bullying.
Back to school means a lot of things: new teachers, new classes, new friends. For some students, it's a fresh start. For others, it's a return to friends, clubs, or teams. And for others still, it's a return to being picked on, singled out, or excluded.
Psychology Today defines bullying as a distinctive pattern of repeatedly and deliberately harming and humiliating others, particularly those who are smaller, weaker, younger, or otherwise more vulnerable than the bully. It can involve verbal attacks like name-calling and mockery, physical harm, threats, intimidation, and deliberate exclusion from activities.
Cyberbullying differs from in-person bullying in that it's often anonymous, and its effects can linger online far longer than a single incident ever could. Cyberbullying can take many forms: spreading rumors that aren't true, name-calling, mocking how someone looks, posting doctored photos, exposing private details without permission, or threatening physical harm.
Bullying leaves long-term marks on both perpetrators and victims. Schoolwork, social life, and self-esteem all take a hit. Victims may develop low self-esteem and shame, and often struggle with depression and anxiety well beyond the incidents themselves.
Below are signs a person may be experiencing bullying or cyberbullying, and what to do if you suspect your son or daughter is being bullied.
Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied
Watch for a child who:
Comes home with damaged clothes or missing belongings
Has unexplained cuts, scratches, or bruises
Has few or no friends they talk about or spend time with
Tries to avoid school or the bus, or seems afraid to go
Has lost interest in subjects or activities they used to enjoy
Seems sad, moody, tearful, or depressed, or complains often of headaches, stomachaches, or loss of appetite
Appears anxious or self-conscious
Signs Your Child Is Being Cyberbullied
Watch for a child who:
Seems upset after using their devices
Becomes withdrawn, anxious, sad, or angry
Seems lonelier, or shows changes in their friend group
Loses focus at school, or avoids school and after-school activities
Becomes secretive about their online activity
If You Think Your Child Is Being Bullied or Cyberbullied
Approach the subject calmly. Asking a child outright whether they're being bullied can cause them to shut down. Try easing in instead: "I've heard a lot about bullying recently. Does that happen at your school?" or "Are there kids at school who pick on you or leave you out on purpose?" or "Who do you sit with at lunch or on the bus?"
Don't take away their devices. Doing so can cut them off from friends and their support system.
Reach out to the school. Discuss the issue and ask about the school's bullying policies. Request a meeting with your child's teacher and the school's social worker to better understand what's happening.
Involve your child in deciding next steps. They should know they have a say, even when the conversation is uncomfortable. A child may resist school or police involvement, but if the situation calls for more support, gently encourage them to stay open to it.
Consider counseling. Therapists who work with children can help them process their experiences in a safe environment, while building coping skills, interpersonal tools, and confidence.
In a world of bullies, let's choose to be the kind friend instead.
If you believe your child is having suicidal thoughts or is at risk of attempting suicide, call or text 988: Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Professional crisis counselors will work with you to determine next steps.
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